I also take time to remember those who are no longer with me but who had a significant impact in my life and thank God for them daily. I just hope someone will do the same for me when I’m no longer here.

Thanks.

It’s crazy how with all this advancement in medical technology, these people can’t fix my eyes! Genetics are something…

I found it interesting how you glazed over the statement that “it’s expected that I’ll loose me sight by the time I’m 40.”

I’m sure it’s a reality you have learned to deal with for some time now and there is no point worrying about it. I commend your strength and using your time to take in the beauty around you.

Continue to have strength and being an example for others, sis.

My BF reminds me everyday to live life to its fullest. He’s just one of those people who takes advantage of every moment available to be happy about something…anything.

I definitely think its important tot take time out from my day-to-day-grind to stop and observe nature. That’s something I learned pretty early from my daddie. When I was little we would go to the park or catch the street car and he would always point out the beautiful greenery, birds, etc. It’s something I do often to this day especially since it’s expected that I’ll loose me sight by the time I’m 40.

Recently I went to a funeral and I looked around and wondered to myself “Is there going to be this many people at my funeral?” I honestly don’t know. I do my best daily to leave a positive impression on everyone I meet and not just for the purpose of drawing a mass of people at my funeral. However, I don’t know if that impression will be a lasting one. I know that I’ll be remembered in a positive way though, but will anyone remember to remember me?

I think my perception of myself is pretty similar to they way other people view me. Other people’s perception has actually help me shed some light on my own. Other people are always better pointing out things about yourself that you don’t see.

Well, we all feel like that at some point or other. Stuck in a unfulfilling job, relationship, or have friends that don’t understand us, whatever.

Certain times you have to do what makes you happy. Even if it’s as simple and cheap as sitting in the park or listening to the sound of water. DO you know how relaxing that can be? At least for a moment you can try to find some sort of escape. Shoot a good movie can do that too. I felt like that after I saw the Hangover, it was 2 hours where i wasn’t thinking about work, bills, etc, just having fun laughing at the screen.

Well, I’m glad you pushed through it to be here to share your thoughts and experiences. Depression and other hardships in life are real and a lot of folks, especially Black men (not sure if you are:). It’s pride, it’s machismo whatever the case.

I try to be as real as I can, especially with how I write here. I try to say the things that people/we think but don’t express for whatever reason. Hopefully by you writing that AFFIRMATION of your purpose helped. If not, feel free to vent on my digital couch whenever.

Oh and saw your other comment, i’ll consider a part two for the suicide post but until that inspiration hits me I hope that folks that come across the original can find some connection and outlet in that one for now.

Questions such as what is the meaning of life, why am I here, am I doing what I was put here to do, when I die will I look back at my life and be satisfied, is there life after death or are we just a bunch of molecules and once the lights go out thats it etc etc.

When I tried to discuss the subject with my friends my attempts proved to be futile, people don’t wanna think about such things coz frankly its just downright depressing.

I don’t think I am living life to the fullest not even close to it. All I know is most times I feel as though there is an invisible clock that follows me around that is running backwards, my time here on earth has been predetermined and set on that clock and I am simply watching the clock tick away till one day it stops and I will have nothing to show for it except the hours, days, months, years that I spent looking the time go by.

Am I a bully or a thug devoid of emotions, lacking empathy?

No.

But I’m sure many people see me in that light.

I want to think people have enough humanity to see shades of the real me, but most would rather believe what they want to see instead of giving me a chance.

I’m not user-friendly, only accessible for some people.

Those people, ultimately, are the people who matter.

I’m not the dead pigeon.

I’m the black cat who killed the pigeon.

I think there should be a SUICIDE PT2 post, I went back and looked at the earlier post. It was a very good post, The reason i say there shoild be another one, is because Suicide is a very big issue especially today. I dont mean to get off the subject of this post, but people are not going to just put their business out there like that, calling hotlines, and therapist. So I think you should go around the room, one more time, you might have missed someone who really needs to get it off thier chest, and NWSO, might be the last bit of therapy they get before they make that move, and maybe somebody might say something that will help them out.

Just recently I was struggling with a thought, similar to this one, I was looking back at my life, my purpose, and my position, and it was horrifying, to the point where, I felt that I would be better off not being here, I felt I was just taking up space in the world, I felt I was “wasting air’. My thoughts brought me to the point where I was having thoughts like cocoa-b mentioned her ex was having, not just a, cross my mind type of thing, I was serious, even went as far as to planning it out, had the day picked out and everything. I tried reaching out to people in small ways to let them know, that I was ill, but people dont really care, until something actually happens, they dont care about prevention. To get back on the subject, life is hard, is a very true statement, and as I looked back on my relationship, with my kids, with my family, with GOD, and what have i done in the world, I realized that my life was out of order, Im not “Living Right”. If I was to go today, yeah I would be remember by a lot of people, for being cool, I will be remembered for my past. I dont want to remembered for my past, I want to be remembered for doing something in life, I want to make a mark for doing something, that means something. even now as I type this, it still bothers me, because it was very recent that this happened. So, right now Im in a process, to get my life restored, Im going to look to the Lord Jesus christ for order, Im in the process of changing the outcome of my life. “I will “be remembered for making a mark that actually means something more than being cool and a good person. people use “Live your life to the fullest” as a way to have fun, Im not here to have fun anymore, Im on a mission now. “Living your Life to the fullest”, sometimes means not living right”. There is no “Fullest”, theres always room for more……..I done forgot the question, I was about to write a book in here,lol………….