Baby, I Wasn’t Cheating, I Was Just Texting
When it comes to relationships, I think most would agree that the biggest form of betrayal is cheating. If your boo gives ups the goods to somebody else it’s a wrap. Well, in most cases. Some folks are mature enough (depending on how you look at it) to forgive and not forget, while others are not strong enough to walk away from a bad thing.
People love to throw around little catch phrases like, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” or “If he/she cheated once, they’ll do it again.” That’s cool, but what exactly is cheating? I know how absurd that may sound but hear me out.
People always seem to focus in on physical cheating—primarily sex with someone other than your partner—but some would argue that there are other levels of cheating that hurt just as much if not more.
My good friend and fellow blogger Aliya S. King hit me on IM the other day about “techno-cheating.” The term was new to me but I was familiar with the overall premise. Basically, it’s when your man or woman is using technology (text, IM, e-mail, etc.) to have flirtatious communications with someone of the opposite sex. This other person could be as harmless as an out of state acquaintance or as suspicious as an ex lover or online “friend.”
Aliya is actually working on an article for Upscale magazine and wanted my thoughts on the subject to be quoted as a relationship expert (hey, now I’m an all-star). So that’s what led me to today’s topic.
I think the issue here is physical vs. emotional cheating. Sex is cut and dry. When your man’s penis is inserted into some other chick’s love box or vice versa you’ve crossed the line. You cheated. End of story. Now, it’s when your partner is emotionally involved with someone else without the physical dynamic things get a little blurry.
I’ll start by saying I don’t think there’s anything wrong with flirting—even when you’re in a relationship. Just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean you’re blind. Besides, having someone other than your mate find you attractive can be a huge ego boost. The problem is when things are disrespectful to the one you’re with. Oh, and for the slow, don’t go on “dates” with someone else when you’re in a relationship. Duh!
In regards to techno-cheating specifically, if your man or woman is sexting half-naked flicks to their “friend” or having drawn out IM conversations about sex, there may be cause for concern. Even if it doesn’t lead to anything physical, for whatever reason, the fact your mate is emotionally intimate with someone else could be considered cheating in some people’s book—especially women.
I’ve heard it said before that men cheat for physical pleasure and women cheating for emotional pleasure. If true, who’s more in the wrong? The man that slept with some random chick he doesn’t even care about or the woman who fell in love with the guy that blew her back out? Technically, they’re both wrong, but if I had to choose I’d lean more towards the latter.
As kids we were taught that “sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt you.” I believe the thinking behind that is that because words are not physical they can’t do damage. Over the years I’ve grown to see that was a bunch of bologna. Ask anybody that was teased as a kid if words don’t hurt. Just like if you punch me in the face, my fat lip will heal in a couple of days and be forgotten as soon as the pain fades. Break my heart, though, and I’ll never forget you and carry that pain around for a lifetime.
With that said, I feel like emotional cheating can hurt a heck of a lot more than physical. That’s not to say I condone cheating in any form—because betrayal is betrayal—but the idea of possessing someone’s body for a moment is less than owning their heart for a lifetime.
On the flipside of the coin, though, is the non-physical techno-cheating Aliya was talking about. Do you consider it cheating if your partner has sexual conversations with someone else via texts, IM or email? Or are you cool with digital flirting as long as it stays online/text? Do things have to get physical (i.e. sex, kissing) to be considered cheating in your book? Where do you draw the line when it comes to whom your partner communicates with through text, IM and email? How much responsibility do you think your partner has is stopping the advances when it’s the other person that’s being the aggressor? What do you consider inappropriate conversations for your partner to be having with someone of the opposite sex? Have you ever techno-cheated? Did you get caught?
Speak your piece…
P.S.
If you have any crazy techno-cheating stories you’d like to share anonymously with Upscale or know someone that does, feel free to hit up Aliya at aliyasking@gmail.com. She’d love to hear from you. Hint. Hint.
***SAVE THE DATE***
NWSO’s one-year anniversary party in NYC Thursday, July 9th. Details to come.
we’ve had the odd experience when someone reaches out “in that way” I tend to say something like “woah doggy! I think you forget that I’m an old married lady, if you keep talking to me like this I’m just going to have to stop talking to you at all. How’s that miscellaneous thing we talked about recently going? By the way have you met my totally hot single friend? We should all hang out soon.”
“Baby, I Wasn’t Cheating, I Was Just Texting”