Comments on: Hi, I Have Herpes (Can We Have Sex…Again?)

By: Winter137

Winter137 — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:37:24 +0000

OMG, I almost threw up in my mouth. I don’t understand people who don’t disclose this sort of info but it’s real out there. Thanks for this blog.

By: NWSO

NWSO — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 01:42:11 +0000

@The Outcast

Thanx for being open to sharing your story and having such a positive outlook on the virus. I think a lot of people needed to hear your voice and get something from that. I know I did.

By: The Outcast

The Outcast — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:14:11 +0000

And for those who have it, it’s not the end of the world, and you are deserving of love and relationship like anyone else. Love yourself first in spite of what society has labeled you as, be true to yourself and others and the universe will grant you the desires of your heart and blessings will follow you. You were allowed to experience this situation for a greater purpose and in the end you will see the reasons why. Hold your head up and be encouraged, it’s not over till The Creator and you say it’s over. I love you!

By: The Outcast

The Outcast — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:08:59 +0000

Hi, I would like to share my story. As a woman who has been infected/affected with and by this virus for over 20 years now, I would have to say it hasn’t been the easiest thing to manage socially or mentally. We live in a society that is “perfection” driven and when someone is less than “perfect”, they are often ostracized for being “different”. Whom I contracted this virus from, I don’t know, At what date, time, place, I don’t know, all I know is I was a young woman in my teens just experiencing the wonderful act of sexual intercourse. Do I blame the young man who infected me? No I don’t. Do I hate or have resentment toward him? No I don’t. Do I wish I didn’t have this “occasional inconvenience”? Yes, but I have what I have and life goes on. One thing I know is that black people can be some judgmental, ignorant, uncaring a** people. Do you know how I was treated by some people who I disclosed the info to out of trust? I was made to be the public whore who was laughed at, disowned, and talked about. Do you know the feeling of being rejected, not only rejected but put down and made to feel less than human, less than loved, less than attractive? My last relationship was 7 years ago and when I told my ex he was not even moved by it and wasn’t even afraid of catching it, which he never did, what a man! We didn’t even break up over that, it was just a “small inconvenience” we had to work around. I hear my co workers joking about herpes like its some extremely f**cked up disease for “nasty” people and it hurts my feelings because I have it and it’s really not as bad as most would believe. You mention herpes and people automatically think big a** open, oozing sores and scabs, severe burning and agony. This is not always the case, this usually happens early on in the infection if indeed it does manifest physically. I have such mild outbreaks that they hardly bother me, as a matter of fact, my period causes me more distress, lol. As far as children, I have two healthy, beautiful young adults who are herpes free so pregnancy is possible. My greatest obstacle is informing people who are so narrow minded and shallow that they run before you finish giving them the facts. I know it’s one’s right to be informed of my status, and their choice to leave or stay, not disputing that. But the one thing I can’t tolerate is total and blind ignorance about the subject. Automatically all the love they allegedly had for you goes out the window and they have nothing more to say to you. Someone said that you draw those things to yourself that you fear the most, and if we keep running around all paranoid about catching STI’s or cancer or whatever you fear, you will only give energy to that very thing and it just might find you. I plan on living my life with this virus, and I plan on loving with this virus. No, I’m not going to limit myself to the herpes dating sites (our people don’t really use those anyway, so me finding a black man with it whom I’m compatible with is like trying to find a needle in a haystack), I’m going to love who I love and if they reject me, too bad for them because I’m much more than this virus and what it’s been hyped up to be. I am a beautiful black woman who is worthy of all the blessings that life has to give. This has happened to me for a wonderful reason, so that I can know the pain and suffering of others and to show compassion for those who are what society would label “outcasts”. I beg you to examine your own hearts and why you feel the way you do. Like someone said, there’s more compassion for people with HIV than there is for people with HSV or HPV for that matter. There should be compassion for ALL people who not only suffer from physical disease itself, but from the harshness and criticism from those who are not in the same situation, who think they’re better because they have been given “a clean bill of health”. Believe me, I have seen the same people fall victim to the very thing they bragged about not having, and now they want the compassion of others. As for the man mentioned in the article, true indeed, he should have been more responsible in his actions, but how many of you have lied to someone about something that you felt would bring a negative reaction if you were truthful? I know what he experienced and I know what he faced, it’s not easy being alone all the time without companionship, without intimacy, sometimes it’s very difficult to “break the news” and you have to be a strong person to do it. I’m not condoning his irresponsibility, I just want you to see the reasons why he might not have been honest. Let’s be real folks, education, communication, and compassion are what we need, not judgement. And by the way, I think most people have or have had something sexually transmitted in their lives, whether you know it, or care to admit to it. I know I might not be popular here, so what, I’ve always been “different”. I love you all, and God does too.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:11:29 +0000

People I just want to say that everyone should get tested. Herpes is NOT included in standard std screenings. Unless you use a barrier each time you have oral sex and completely cover your genital area each time you have sex, there is no gaurantee that you will not get the disease. Wearing a condom does not guarantee that you will not contract the disease. Yes, a person who has cold sores can transmit the disease to another person’s genital area by giving oral sex. I know from experience the virus can lay dormant for over 10 years. I was married and had been in a monogomous relationship for 10 years before I had my first and only outbreak.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:26:09 +0000

This guy is a major creep. He shouls get the shit sued out of him and face jail time.

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Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:22:25 +0000

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By: Respect

Respect — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 01:34:13 +0000

My now I guess ex-bf, whom I was with for almost 1 1/2 years just told me a month ago that he had herpes for 20 years!! He had lied to me from the beginning of the relationship that he had been tested and had been clean when i wanted to use condom the first time when we had sex. For a few times after that he had claimed he was clean. Among the other lies I also found out he was sleeping with his ex (he was then trying to work things out with her) while he was with me in the first few months of our relationship.

He said he didn’t know how he was going to tell me he has herpes (although he was fine telling the others girls he claim he told) and that he had been very careful and taking pills for it. But he stop when we tried breaking up the last time. Since then he said he had not been taking the pill when we got back together and he does not seem bothered by it and from our discussion it sounds like he was not willing to take any precaution coz he had said it is not satisfying when having sex using a condom.

I had been tested and luckily I have not caught it from him.

I am not bothered so much by the fact that he has herpes, but I am bothered by this 43 year man’s attitude.

Do know that late last year I found out I had HPV and I told him immediately when I found out what I had. Even then he was disgusted by the fact that I had HPV and was still claiming he was clean. I felt dirty and was worried that I was going to give HPV to him. I had to undergo surgery for the HPV and even then he had make it known to me that my HPV had bothered him and could affect our relationship.

I broke up with him not because he has herpes but other issues like trust and needing him to treat me like I am his girlfriend.

Well point is…well I don’t know..probably just needed to vent coz it is just painful when you love someone so dearly….

By: taylormade

taylormade — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:32:17 +0000

To add to the topic, I there is a lot of blame on men for spreading the disease, but dealing with the medical profession myself, and working in a clinical setting I have noticed that women are most likely to spread the disease than men. Men have symptoms that are visible on the outside, women’s sypmtoms occur a lot of the times on the inside, which are not usually noticed on the outside until they have carried it a while. Herpes is a very common disease, more people have than you think, the statistics are just reported numbers, the real numbers are most likely 3 times that. So ladies if youre not getting up in there, and checking yourselves out like your supposed to, you might be a carrier. I’ve seen it lots a times, when people come to the clinic and find out that the have herpes or some other STD and they still continue to have sex with their spouses and others. Doctors and Nurses are not allowed to tell you, that you number 1 has a disease, all they can do is advise them to tell you and other partners, if not, then like someone mentioned above, ” its the gift that keeps on giving”.

By: NWSO

NWSO — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:53:04 +0000

@Rock

I’m no expert or medical professional but from what I’ve read and discovered yes, you can have the virus and not show any signs at all. Some people carry it for years and never have a breakout. And since doctors don’t test for herpes when you get blood work done, you have to ask specifically for that test to know. That is your best bet now, to get tested immediately for everything and follow the advice of a medical professional. Hopefully, you won’t receive bad news.

Just curious, how did you find out he definitely has herpes?

Also, not sure if you used protection or not (even though herpes can be contracted if the break out is outside the condom and on another part of the skin), but you should actually see someone’s paperwork if you’re shaky about them. But really, if you’re doubtful about someone, why would you sleep with them in the first place? (talking in general).

At the end of the day, we don’t really know anyone’s sexual history. It is about trust and being selective in who becomes your partner, and both parties getting tested regularly.

GOOD LUCK

By: rock

rock — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:21:38 +0000

Hello
I slept with someone once and have since found out that he has herpes. He lied to me, I asked him on numerous occasions before we slept together if he had been tested and he said he had recently been tested and was indeed clear of any infection. I know now I should not have trusted this man however, we had spent several months getting to know each other and he had gone to great lengths to get me to respect and trust him. This man is truly evil and I still cannot quite comprehend that I let someone like this into my life and yes trusted him. Why do people do this? I am arranging to have a test myself. Is it likely that I will have the virus even though I have no symptoms? And is there something legally that I can do about this man. He must be doing this to other women.

By: DragonFly

DragonFly — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:13:32 +0000

A condom won’t protect you from herpes anyway (or hpv). Skin to skin contact is how its transmitted which means the area surrounding the genitals as well, which is not covered by the condom. Can also be orally transmitted (I have a friend who contracted oral and genital herpes from her ex-husband of 12 yrs). Now she has to tell a man b4 they kiss. It’s a dirty dirty game out there…