i think we as women are ‘homoaccusiastic’ because we want them down low men to come out.. its not fair to us or to them……

There are just TOO many men who act more feminine than I do! I contribute it to the rising number of men being raised by women. A woman can’t show a boy how to be a man and so he grows up acting like a female lol…

I dont even know. Too many dudes these days watching tranny porn and posting ads looking for casual sex with women and/or transsexuals. Wtf is that all about?

Yall gay!

PS: j/k

I’m 99% sure that my ex is gay, gay, gay. The 1% is reserved because I never actually saw him doing the do with another guy. But there are so many things about him that are so–in the words of Wendy Williams–”How you doin’?”

The reason so many folks are homoaccusiastics these days is because there are sooooooooooooo many DL men and women our there. (Yes, let’s not forget the women also living double lives.) I find myself questioning the sexuality of every man that I meet these days because you just never know. A friend of mine has been in a homosexual relationship with a “happily” married “straight” man for over 10 years. Dude has kids and everything, but he steps to my friend almost every night–even sleeps over sometimes. And his wife doesn’t suspect a thing. She knows my friend, but she only knows him as being her husband’s homeboy R. And since he is male, she doesn’t mind at all when her hubby says he’s going to “hang out” with R.

Another friend told me about the Prospect Park Creepers (that’s what I call them) that leave their wives and girlfriends at home under the guise of going for a run or to walk the dog and actually go to secluded places in Prospect Park to have sex with random men. To hear my friend tell it, there are “meeting places” sectioned off by race preference. And on Labor Day, while the rest of us are simulating the bump ‘n’ grind on the Parkway, there’s an annual anything-goes fuck fest going on in Prospect Park, where men can meet and do whatever they want for a few hours then put their clothes back on and walk out of the Park like, “I know I just fucked five dudes and sucked as many penises, by that doesn’t mean I’m gay, right? I only do it once a year.” My friend says we would be surprised to know how many “straight” men leave their wives and girlfriends on the Parkway to attend this fete every year. Being the voyeur that I am, I asked him if I can put on a mustache and attend one year. I have to see that with my own eyes.

Jeez, now every time I see two men coming out of the bushes in the Park, my gaydar starts buzzing like there’s no tomorrow. Life would be so much easier if we could be more honest with ourselves and one another.

@ NWSO:

Another great post.

Boy do I have a juicy story for you if you ever decide to do a post on voyeurs. What can I say, I love to watch.

@distinguishedgentlewoman

That’s scary…to say the least.

Out here DL men/women are not much of an issue because homosexuality is more accepted in general. They are allowed to get married and live their lives openly without being judged by the general public. Even our mayor is proud to be gay.

Why am I saying all of this? Oh yea … scary!!! Prospect Park huh … ok, let’s scratch that off my list of places to go to on a weekend.

*smh*

@ Elle:

Prospect Park is a great place to visit. Walking through the Park is very therapeutic for me. Don’t let my stories deter you from visiting. These things are not happening in plain sight; they’re happening in some of the bushes and woodsy hideaways. I usually go to the Park alone, so I just stay on the walk path and by the band shell and stage area where concerts and Celebrate Brooklyn are held annually.

Besides: According to my friend, there are “activities” happening in every major park in NYC, including the fab, pristine Central Park.

Wow, you got the right picture for this title!
I mean if your relaxer is straighter than mine, your nails are fresher than mine something is wrong.

@Ladies with that condition

Dont fuck with dudes you think is suspect! There problem solved!

Personally I dont see what the big deal is. I would love if my chick was bi matter fact im looking everyday for 1! LOL

My cousin married a gay dude and had kids with him. We all knew im sure she did too and she just didnt care until it was so damn obvious she had to bounce. I live in New Orleans home of the trannies. My Motto is if I have to ask then the answer is shes a man!

I’m guilty 100%. I think everybody is gay…even women that are a little rough around the edges or have too many lesbo friends. Then I fell into that category cause a few of my really close friends/co workers turned out to be lesbians and people assumed that I was gay…NOT!

And LMAO @ the gay fish comment…that shit was hella funny when I seen it on South Park.

For some reason I haven’t yet been affected by this phenomenon of having to constantly prove my heterosexuality. But if this does become an occurence at least now I know the background behind the side eye….

My position on it is people should do what they enjoy as long as it doesnt affect anyone else, so if you have a good woman but thats not what you want anymore let her go and Ill take care of her for you lol

@Distinguishedgentlewoman – those ‘activities’ happen in parks all over the world!!! My (Indian)gay friend told me about his own experiences over here in London.

I’m not sure of how the DL phenomena works over here in the UK amongst black brits. As far as I know (and why would I know anything of value) there doesn’t seem to be one. Although, my gay friend says thinks all straight men are gay…bi…or bi curious…but I think that is more about wishful thinking.

Call me whatever you want. I just heard about that show the DL Chronicles from one of my gay male friends and let him tell it, that shit like that happens all the damn time. Also, my best friend is male and we have been tight since 3rd grade; 3 months ago he came out to me. He introduced me to his new man and everything, but I know for a fact he currently is sleeping with a few women. WTF!!! Our whole relationship has changed since his confession. Not because he is gay, but because he is on the DL and he knows how I feel about that shit. I have stories for days about different men I know that are gay but before they came out they were on the DL wilding out. When a man lies about his sexual orientation he takes away my right to make a informed decision and I think that’s messed up. FYI, there are some women who will date and sleep with bi sexual or gay men. If men were more honest, perhaps they would find these women. That way the rest of us can breathe a whole lot easier.

@Just-a-black-girl

If bi curious is wanting to throw up even thinking about gay sex then im bi curious!

I hate when people are always looking for flaws in people. If you really think dude is gay and you continue to date him then thats on you. If you think every dude is gay then maybe you should start dating females I would like that!

fear. that’s the reason for so many “homoaccusiastics.” once upon a time (before all the dl madness) a woman’s worse fear was that her man was cheating with another woman, but zoom up to the 2000’s and now a woman’s radar has to be kicked into high gear. she’s focused on every little thing (his clothes, his walk, his mannerisms, his association with other men…) and really, can you blame her? too many people are being dishonest about who they really are and it’s just INSANE!! if you’re gay, go ahead and accept that, be true to yourself and keep it movin’ with the brothas. don’t dip and dive on both sides. it’s just wrong on so many levels.

I personally are one of these people. I think it is the whole DL thing everyone is gay to me until proven otherwise, and don’t ask me whats proven otherwise. I don’t know depends on person and what they do, how they act and how they react. Can’t trust no one!! lol

We are living in a society where Pussification of men on running rampede…..

Some by their own doing.

Most women believe a man is gay if he doesn’t try to sleep with her….

Some women believe a man is gay if he doesn’t have any male homey’s and hangs around a bunch of women.

The thoughts are endless……..and now everyone is paranoid.

man, this issue still has me vexed. giving light to this warped phenomenon in the press the past few years has women, with good reason, paranoid. but now it’s crazy because chicks these days size-up every man they meet for DL signs that would otherwise merely indicate a well-groomed man. everything is twisted and blown out of proportion now. so fuck all you gay dudes with girlfriends who front like you’re straight. dudes like you have driven an additional wedge between already complicated black male-female relationships.

NSWO,
I appreciate your desire to create a dialogue about this, but a disclaimer doesn’t make your post any less homophobic and actually sheds a light on why brothas/sistas may be reluctant to be on front street.

Flat out, unabashed ignorance and fear.

Our community is not at all accepting of our gay brothers and sisters past that gay ghettoization that only permits them to be our hairdressers, music ministers or fruity cousin Pierre. While we’re making strides to change that, we still have a long way to go. I’ve seen so many of my friends rejected by their friends and family, their churches and people who have claimed to love them when they’ve come out. Is it any surprise that some people will lead double lives than risk loss of community?

As for the DL brother issue, I’ve been that sister who almost married a man who was conflicted about his sexuality. He was trying to fake the funk for his family and for God. I had my suspicions and even full on confronted him, but he didn’t admit until he was full on caught out there.

What did I learn from the experience?

1. Trust my instincts. My spidey sense is very rarely wrong. All the signs are there if your man is dipping.

2.That I needed to learn how to be an ally and help create a world where people like him felt safe to be themselves rather than live a lie.

Homoaccusiatics are homophobic too. The whole DL outing phenomenon smacks of a witch hunt rather than an honest to goodness getting to the heart of the matter. Truth is, people like to fuck. Some people are down for sampling all of the flavors ,some like to stick to one and some have tasted all the flavors before coming back to the one they really like. Sexuality isn’t always clearly defined. I think the real concern should be, is this person being safe and honest with themselves and their partners?

I think some women feel inadequate when their man is dressing better, looking better, and is in better shape than they are…. and yes he might be trying to upgrade to a better chick—one who shares his affinity for well fitted clothing and a toned body. If so, calling him gay and attacking his manhood isn’t going to save the relationship. Those women should hit the gym, then a shower, then Victoria secret and remind him who he should be impressing.

I have to admit that it’s a little hard for me to grasp seeing a man next to me getting a mani and a pedi and believe he has no female tendencies. I grew up in Newark N.J. and the dudes I grew up with and even dated still to this day would never do such a thing. Now, on the flip side when a man has been introduced to such luxuries they realized why we love it and then also indulges. However, the metrosexual is too femanine for my taste.

I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBIC AND I HAVE PLENTY OF GAY MEN IN MY LIFE HOWEVER A WOMEN HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE SUPICIOUS ABOUT ANY MAN WHO COMES INTO HER LIFE. WE MUST TO PROTECT OURSELVES. THE FACT THAT DL MEN ARE ON THE LOW IS REASON ENOUGH. I’M GONNA SCREEN EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU WITH A FINE TOOTH COMB. SORRY MY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH COMES BEFORE BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT.

@ distinguished

ca-ra-zyyyyy. no words. want a report back when you get your disguise together cause I don’t believe it.

@ Throne

SMH. N.O. is the home of trannies?? I thought it was the murder capital, but I guess that explains Wayne & Baby’s kiss. SMH

@LL

So some think men are gay because they want to take it slow and NOT rush to sleep with a woman? See how that is confusing. One min women want you take it slow and then you do and they peg you gay. Damn, homoaccusiastics. LOL

@ H*

Well, I’d rather put my disclaimer since the focus was more on women blindly labeling every man gay etc and not presented as gay bashing. But on second thought, I guess you’re right in that the blind accusations are based on fear and ultimately homophobia.

I still come in peace though..

@ Gold Vader

I could not have said it better myself….

wow, I did not know it was this bad… This is crazy!!! I have a sister and a daughter, so ladies please please please check your man out… A real man will not be offended of your inquiries. Where is that test result?????

lol at the photo of Real and Chance… they may not be on the DL but they certainly look strange…

DL men are scary, I was dating a dude for a while that always had me concerned. It wasn’t how he behaved, it was that when we’d be out in the club men who were flamboyantly gay would give him the stare down… and sometimes I swear I’d see scared recognition in his face…

@ChuckDonald

So you are telling me that a “real” man isn’t going to be pissed if his woman asks him at the dinner table “so um, are you gay? you know, not the happy kind of gay. but the getting your hole poked in the bushes of the park around the corner kind of gay?”

The male ego is very fragile and I doubt that it could take such an inquiry.

Plus: even if he was gay, you think he would chew on his broccoli and be like “I’m so glad you are asking. Yes, matter of fact, I’m in love with Grizzly George from the construction site across the street from my office.”

Yea, I’m joking about it. But in all seriousness, I do not believe that a DL man will come out simply because a woman asks. And any given 100% straight men will be utterly upset about such a question. At least I think so.

i don’t care what or who you do as long as your dick is clean.

thanks for the love NWSO

@ NWSO:

Will do. I was shocked when he told me. That’s why I want to see it for myself–that and the fact that, as I mentioned, I’m a bit of a voyeur. But I have since spoken to some police officers who patrol the Park. Dude, Brooklyn is the den of debauchery. You would be surprised to know how many basement’s in BK turn into whorehouses and strip joints when the sun goes down. While we are sleeping. RIGHT IN OUR OWN BACKYARDS.

But like I always say, to each his own. For everyone who thinks you’re a “freak” because of your sexual preferences, there’s a “freakette” out there down for whatever. All you have to do is ask. As long as folks are totally honest with themselves and the people with whom they’re dealing, all should be good.

Agreed, with everyone’s comment..it’s reallly hard to tell. I know of men you are gay and DL and wont say nothing. hang with the boys ..Men only vacation every year a couple of married guys “go away” for A WEEK……boys weekend gambling etc.

*taking notes*

- men only vacations
- boys weekend
- homeboy R.
- jogging or walking the dog a little too enthusiatically
- …

Sheesh, I’m too innocent for what goes on in this world.
Anything else we should know?

NWSO,

I know you’re well intended.

Truth is, the way we approach sex in this country does not leave room for real talk/dialogue and, let’s face it, men are not at the forefront of being honest about how they like to get down and women are not in a position to own their sexual power or expression.

There’s a lot of dipping around in general. The DL doesn’t just stand for men dipping with other men. It’s about what you’re doing in the dark that you won’t own in the light.

Usually the loudest prude is also the biggest sneaky freak. The man who’s all up in arms about not being gay is prolly riding the pipe. The person who claims to be faithful may or may not be.

You don’t know.

The best you can do is protect your own neck and hope that the person you’re with is being honest with you about their needs and desires.

It’s really not about who’s gay and who’s not. It’s about who’s honest, self aware and conducts themselves in a manner that honors themselves and others.

@ elle

most men will respond like the caption on the last pic in this post. lol

I think we all (NWSO included) need to take the time to read Keith Boykin’s Beyond the Down Low. I had to read this book for my Black Masculinity class, and needless to say I have not thought the same about black gay men or the term Down Low.

In the book, Boykin points out that, statistically speaking, we don’t know if Down Low men are to blame for the Aids rate in African American women, because by “definition” (there is no true definition of Down Low) people who associate as Down Low do not make that fact open. So I ask how can we have figures that blame DL men, when they won’t even open about being DL. Also, this book talks about WOMEN who are on the DL and what that means.

But what I want everyone to do is get educated. For too long we have been just guessing about things without actually taking the time to learn about them. When we stop making an ass out of ourselves by assuming things, then we will be ready to learn and accept the truth.

Just speaking my peace and wanting everyone to expand their intellect

@ Intellect

Well said, that’s why I purposely pegged the issue of hight STD/STI transmission risk to the act of anal sex and not a sect of people. ANYONE—straight or other—puts themselves at higher risk with certain sexual activities. To peg something like that on DL or whatever you want to label someone would be the same as any other un-based bias like all Black folk eat chicken etc.

Well, like Adot, I’m guilty as accused. I can say that the fact that my boy cousin came out to me (after having a few girl relationships) affected my positioning on this matter. Or that the “DL” phenomena had something to do with it….but really it’s like someone else said…a fear. It’s the dishonesty and the magnitude of the lie that scares me. When and where does the deception stop? If you will lie to a woman that you’re supposed to be in a committed relationship (or dating) with about not only your fidelity but your sexual orientation…the problems don’t stop there. You’re probably lying to yourself and a lot more people. The fear of being entangled in a web of deceit with hurt feelings, emotions, and uncertainty is enough for me to muster up the courage to ask explicitly if a guy is gay…because the latter is worst than the idea of a simple “No” or “yes”. I guess it’s an attempt to cut the bull from the beginning. A women cannot compete with another man–and not that it’s a competition but it’s about a fair playing field. It’s about honesty and knowing what a potential partner is about.
I suggest all of you guys (whether you’re metrosexual, homosexual, raised by a women, or the straightest dude alive), don’t take it too personal when a woman asks…because it’s not personal. It’s more or less a reassurance–and if you lie–then you lied. And at least we don’t feel like we swept the thought under the rug.

@ Everyone

Courtesy of SHARITA_ATX who posted this on the “Got AIDS?” post referenced above. Should always check facts for yourself but here’s a launchpad

here is the scale from HIGHEST to LOWEST for HIV/AIDS transmission
1) UNPROTECTED ANAL SEX (RECEPTIVE) (TAKING IT)
2) UNPROTECTED ANAL SEX (INSERTIVE) (GIVING IT)
3) UNPROTECTED VAGINAL SEX (RECEPTIVE) (TAKING IT)
4) UNPROTECTED VAGINAL SEX (INSERTIVE) (GIVING IT)
5) UNPROTECTED ORAL SEX (GIVING HEAD)
6) UNPROTECTED ORAL SEX (GETTIN HEAD)

Sooo………I used to be Homoaccusiatic. I questioned and called ‘em out with the best of them. I had to stop that though when I started messing around with a couple of the guys that I had accused….(at completely different times, of course.)

Good Times.

Who cares if somebody’s gay or not? If we stop treating people like shit for doing them we wouldnt have this whole “DL” thing going on. If so dude play both sides he should be able to come right out and say it. If you dont like it you can move on but you’ll know up front. I could care less what people do in there own bedroom.

Are guys more offended by someone asking them if they’re gay than women? I’ve been asked that question once or twice in my travels, and I wasn’t offended. I simply answered no and kept it moving. And I consider myself one of the straightest–and sometimes prissiest–women on the planet.

@ Distinguished

Of course not because ALL women have gay tendencies. lol I AM JOKING PEOPLE, but I know there are plenty of guys that probably think that’s a fact.

At the end of the day, society is more accepting of lesbianism because it plays into male fantasies of orgies and threesomes (well, if the girls are hot), while male homosexuality is frowned upon and and ice grilled.

Prospect Park?! My mind is BLOWN. My bf lived directly across the street from there for years!

As for this whole DL thing, what. ever. I’ve never really bought into it. I lived with a gay man for 4 years and have several gay friends. One thing I’ve learned is this: A gay man is not going to want sex with a woman. Period. The equipment just won’t work, so to speak. I don’t know where these sexually confused men out here are — and don’t get me wrong, the closet is a real and ugly thing — but I highly doubt there are that many DL brothers out there.

I agree with Chanel I think this DL thing is way over blown.(no pun intended)

For some reason the minute we learn something we just become afaird of everything. It like horror films. We watch one now were afaird of going to sleep its just silly human nature.

@chanel

I don’t think it’s sexually confused as much as not wanting to give up heterosexual privilege. The closet is real and ugly for a reason.

As for the equipment not working, I’ll quote a good friend of mine who identifies as a gay man -” I like pie. Peach is my favorite, but if I have to choose between having pie or having no pie at all, I’ll eat another flavor.”

Not so clearly defined.

@ da ThRONe: LMFAO @ “…if I have to ask, then the answer is she’s a man!”

yeah, man. plastic surgery being what it is these days and all, sheeeeeit…

but as to NWSO’s post:

you addressed it (even in the subject line) to Black women, for the most part. or at the very least, posed the question based on a generalization of their attitudes/behavior.

nothing wrong w/ that, but since I can’t speak to that, I’ll speak from the Latino POV. just allow me my own disclaimer:

I am in no way THE representative for all Hispanic peoples in and out of the USA. Considering that we come in all colors and creeds, shit, to even attempt such a thing would make me an idiot. And I’ve sometimes been told I’m kinda smart, so there that goes.

So… From my own experience, “homoaccusiasticism” (if I may piggy-back my own coined term off yours) doesn’t seem to be prevalent among the females of those of us whose last names tend to end in Z’s.

Generally speaking (of course), dudes who are out, come all the way out — willingly or not. (Fucked up, I can imagine). And any who choose to remain DL must be doing a helluva job ’cause you really won’t hear too many Latinas offering theories about this one or that one.

Don’t get it fucked up; I have heard a story or two about dudes getting caught out there (pun intended), but not so many that it’s got women walking around with portable polygraph machines.

But shit, don’t let ME tell it. Ask my sister or one of her homegirls. They might be on full alert, who knows?

(And I agree w/ those of you above who believe that first and foremost, this is a health issue. Yeah, we can’t ignore how much fear and hatred comes into play, but some of us straight males with nary an inkling of curiosity (or as NWSO puts it: gushy for pussy) aren’t homophobic or anti-gay or any of that extra shit. Really.* It isn’t always about that. But keeping secrets that have potentially damaging impact on other people? That’s just fucked up.)

*this just came to me, NWSO: how about a follow-up post about how straight dudes who DON’T gay bash or trash or do and say otherwise fucked up shit to or about the LGBT community are oft-times looked at with suspicion?

Let me start off by saying that I am not one who is jugemental when I don’t know what’s relly going on. And like most women I can pretty much tell when a dude is gay or not I have a gay brother and he is my heart and living with him has made me very aware of other gay men. I think that it is ignorance in some women they accuse their man of being on the DL making him have to defend his manliness in my eyes that’s unfair. What if the tables were turnedhow would you women fell if your man accused you of being interested in other women and said their were things you did that were manly? Some men prefer to extremely clean and as far dirty finger nails I think if they are dirty it says something about your hygine. That might just be me. Don’t get me wrong there are DL brothers out there and they are the ones passing around Aids and STDs putting us ladies at risk. But I think that you should know your status as well as your partners. To all you DL brothers out there come out believe me you’ll feel better the double life isn’t worth the hassel. @ NWSO thanks again for an interesting week of posts way to end the week….

*peace and love*

Marley

Its a tough situation when you are in relationship have a family, or just got feelings for a woman and because u have a lil kinkiness that lends u to get a hard on with other dudes you supposed to give all that up, and put on this new lifestyle and become “gay”. If u love ur chick why would u wanna jeapordize ur relationship when 9 out of 10 times she’ll break up with u immediately after u tell her, and thats because u opened up to her. This thread proves no chick wants to be wit a dude that remotely might not be soley into vagina. I dont get the whole publicized gay culture and lifestyle, it kinda seems like a clown act it kinda disturbs me but to each his own. Alot of dudes who “get down” are regular masculine, sports type dudes who ain’t interested in giving up the life they know, the family and friends they know, because society wants them to identify as gay and pigeon hole them into some feminine, flamboyant, unmanly and typically degraded identity. I understand how some find it decieving not to let a girl know that u’ve been involved in some questionable sexual activities but, if u protect urself and not passing on any stds and viruses, why should u explain every sexual experience u’ve had. It’s wrong to cheat period, but if i choose to be with one person, thats the person im stickin wit.
To illustrate:
I mean i like strawberry ice cream, but i enjoy vanilla too from time to time. Does that mean that I have to scream it from the rooftops, give up eating strawberry ice cream, stop hanging with my friends who like strawberry ice cream and wear a “I love vanilla ice cream shirt everywhere i go”??? nah im good…
but that’s just me

Of course not because ALL women have gay tendencies. lol I AM JOKING PEOPLE, but I know there are plenty of guys that probably think that’s a fact. (c) NWSO

nah, I think a lot of us just HOPE they do. lol

@whateverman

Why would anybody wanna spend the rest of they’re life with somebody who dont accept them for them. I know its easy for me to say i dont have desire for gay sex ,but I know I would never wanna be with a chick I could tell everything to.

If you are a man who likes to have sex with other men BE HONEST!!!! If you are in a committed relationship with anyone (hetero or homo) and you are having sex with someone else BE HONEST!!! Give a woman the choice. She is an adult. There are so many women who will stay with a man no matter what, so be honest. I cannot stand a man who plays for both teams & thinks he has the right not to disclose that.Pick a side or BE HONEST. Be a MAN about your business.

BTW there is no way in hell I would date Real or Chance in the above pic. I could never date a man whose hair is longer than mine and/or he has a perm. Never. Ever.

nwso, i love your blog. i’ve been following your work for the last 5months…you’re part of my morning routine. lol. i’ve always reserved my right to comment but on this subject, i just had to say something.
ok so heres the deal, last night i had this crazy/wacky dream about one of my close friends, oscar. real cool guy, always there for me when i need him. we met in film school 2yrs ago. he basically took me under his wing and treated me like a little sister, showing me the ropes and taking me out on shoots. in turn, i introduced this “introvert genius” lol, to the late night partying campus lifestyle…which i master of course. lol, sshh dont tell my mama or my loans will be cut off. anyway i digress, in the dream oscar and i had a heart to heart. he came to me and was open enough to tell me that he was gay.. and went on to tell me his damn secrets and questionable hookups. of course i was freaked out when i woke up this morning. finally rolled over to my night stand and grabbed my smartphone. and to my damn surprise, the title of the day on my fav blog was ” why do black women think every man is gay?”.. ok i cant exactly desbribe to you the mixed emotions and “miss cleo” moment i had in bed this morning. i had to find my glasses and read the title again…then of course i busted out laughing & woke up my roommate. there goes another loud balck woman moment too. lol. but let me get to the main point… i love my friend oscar & i’ve always had my suspicions about his sexuality from the first day i saw him on campus. hes the real skinny laid back type of dude. always hanging with me and my girls. he’s seen me changing clothes so many times and never flinch or give me that “typical heterosexual male grin”…never talks about girls, in past or present tense. doesn’t mention men either. basically the kid doesn’t have a sexual life. trust me, i have laid out all my dirty deeds to my big bro, and never once has he spilled the beans about his. he’s been there for everyone of my crying session about men or drunken diva antics. but his lips will forever remain shut when it comes to relationship. i’ve tried 3 specific times to ask him about his sexual orientation, but i got the generic run-around answers. people have asked me if he was gay or not but i just shrug them off. if hes not ready to tell me then who am i to blast his business to outsiders. but i just wish the damn boy would just tell me instead of my psyche going into overdrive trying to figure it out. i just want him to be happy, and if thats boinking a boy then go for it… yes i said boinking.. lol .. and sometimes times i think hes just non-sexual. can that really happen? some one with no interest in male or female? see, now my head is spinning cause of this dream.

I never realized that so many women are homoaccusiastics. I believe that if you are looking for trouble then you are going to find it. I have a simple answer to single females dating. 1.) Ask the brother when was the last time he had a std test. 2.) Ask him if he has any fantasies of having sex with a male. This solution sounds crazy, but hell you’ll get your answer and the ability to make an informed decision. Besides lets be honest if a guy is gay, you will see it and it will be undeniable. I suggest we all learn how to people study. It helps!

Its been my experience the Black Women do think damn near every black man is gay. I seriously do not even hear that mess with my white friends or any other of my non black friends (with the exception of the one who hang in the black circles). Its soo F’n nerve racking.

My sisters, black girl friends they all got that DL mess bad. If a guys smiles too much-”he gay”. Or if he’s too neatly dressed-
“He gay” If he not hollering back at them-
“He gay”. If he sits with his legs crossed-”He Gay”. If his place is too neat-”He gay”

Seriously the labeling is so lame so guys have so called feminine ways, hell alot of them where raised without their dads what do you expect. Yes, they whine like us sometimes, cross their legs, clean real good…come on please! I have noticed though that all my girls who always shouting gay are quite single most of the time or float from one couple of month long relationship to the next. Must be a connection I say.

This DL thing in the black community is pretty sad I have to say. Oh BTW I’ve never dated anyone who turned out to be homosexual but I dated a really nice guy for two years whom a lot of black women would have been calling gay. Because of he had some “gentle” way, he wasn’t but you know how people always gotta find something wrong with a black man.

Long hair is not gay okay and keeping your appearance fly is not metro-sexual, manicures and pedi’s oh come on please. Since when is it only okay for a women to be taken care of and serviced by a paid professional. Its funny though like if a white guy walks around with his Jesus hair and all styled up he alright but if its a black guy well you know…”he must be gay with that long hair”

LOL that’s just sad.

WOW…”Why do Black Women…?” Ha! The sistas get the worst rap again…Will this be another reason black men claim not to date sistas…”they think we’re all gay”…Well nigga, quit piercing both your ears, wearing earrings bigger than mine and cuttin designs in your goatee! I’m kidding, for the record, as many of my non-black friends have TONS of gay theories about the men we work with…most of whom (the men) are not black either. This is a societal phenom…America as a whole is obsessed with homosexuality. It’s all over tv, the internet, everywhere and all you need to do is travel abroad and speak to people who think that every other american is gay.

My Filipino friend told me about her trip to the Philippines where people were asking her about some episode of Oprah that had recently aired…exposing the “down low phenomenon”! They asked her if all black men were on the DL and told her not to date them. Filipino women love the brothas…it was Hilarious!

Finally, nobody in the world accuses more men of being secretly gay than gay men. Do you know any? If you did, you would know how often they accuse outwardly straight men of being gay, having gay tendencies or being on the DL, and they LOVE to point this out to women.

First of all to assume every guy is gay is simply ignorance of one’s self. We all are born with both male and female chromosones and sometimes if being a man, the female chromosones tend to show more, not meaning he’s gay, and vice versa with women. There are also men who are very intelligent and some women confuses that with being guy, because they can not relate to the man on an intelligent level. If you’re wondering the DL phrase can mean many things. I’m one who doesn’t judge a book by its cover, without reading the interior of the book. Gay doesn’t wear a face, some may have those tendencies but are far from gay. It goes back to the chromosones. Most intelligent gay folk doesn’t display homosexual behavior in public. The ones who does is simply are nasty fags exploring his /her own self for self gratification and attention. Some folk stereo type folk who tend to look different, such as the way they wear their hair, the way one walks or talks, their nails are very well manicured, their clothing, if their teeth are whiter then theirs oh he must be gay, the way one may act. In case one may be wondering, I’m far from gay, but I can relate to this discussion because I have two brothers who are gay, and does not go around flunting it. In fact many wouldn’t know they are gay men. If you’re dating someone and are not really comfortable with intercourse, I suggest you both take an HIV test and share the results with each other prior to moving into the next step of the relationship. If they are gay, it doesn’t mean they wanted to be, in most cases, it’s simply the female chromosones are more dominate, and vice versa with women, with the male chromosones. I don’t want a man with hard hands rubbing my body, because he may scratch up my skin. I love a well groomed man, and I know gay when I see gay. Women should love a man who takes care of his personal hygienes and appearence. I don’t want an ugly booger walking next to me, we both have to look good , because one compliments the other when folk see the two of us. And to put it on post gay actually means happy. Women who tend to judge a man as gay without knowing anything about him, says a lot about their self esteem. Talk to the individual, and get to know him/her first. Stop confusing intelligence with being guy. Some women will get a man released from prison and sleep with him, not knowing if he slept with other men while incarcerated, and be loving him dearly, while they’ll pass yup and intelligent brother, because most can’t relate to the persons dialect. There are also some who tend to appear hard and rough and will leave home to sleep with a gay man. What some may consider gay, may simply be a very intelligent male/female with a broad vocabulary and intelligence. Lets all stop judging one another, and love each other regardless of ones preference. How can you love your neighbor and dislike your brotheren because he appears gay. We must love everyone`

@mzunderstood7

I think you mean estrogen and testosterone, which both men and women are born with at different levels.

In regards to chromosomes men have XY and women only have XX. In fact, it’s men’s sperm that determines the sex of a child since they carry both X and a Y which will pair with the female’s X.

See, I still remember something from elementary school. lol

Totally off topic.

Been reading this blog since Aug. so I’ve seen your pic once or twice….
I just seen the Wu movie at the reelworld film fest in Toronto, and Your face popped up on the screen and I screamed ‘THAT’S NAKED WITH SOCKS ON!!!’ …my friend looked at me like I was crazy.

LOL (in that moment i forgot you do other things beside blog)

I think “whateverman” is on point. We can ask for honesty all we want, in most cases it’s not going to happen because the men in question do not want to lose the life they know.

Which was my point earlier on. We can ask. We can accuse. Unless some Camp Delta techniques come into play DL men/women will remain on the DL. If they had wanted to come out of the closet they would have.

Taking it away from homosexual tendencies, not many people will admit to cheating in general either. Even if you end up coming home catching them in the act, some folks will still fix their mouth to say something along the lines of “it’s not what it looks like”.

Many if not most humans are just built like that. It takes a certain strength not everybody possesses to really be onself at all times. “Not giving a fuck” is something numerous people cannot do. They feel they have too much to lose.
And as long as that is the case there will be cheaters, men and women on the DL, husbands who lose their jobs but are afraid to tell their wife so they get ready every morning pretending to go to work, teenagers who are pregnant and hide it under baggy clothes and so on.

Eh … the human race and its abilities are overrated if we can’t even be completely honest with each other.

@NWSO

Yes, women do think that sometimes when a man doesn’t try them that something is wrong with him.

Yes, it is confusing…..because the whole notion is, okay if he tries, he’s not gay, but I will say no to not come off as a easy lay.

That’s what many women do……….and that’s why some men do it, to prove that they are a MAN.

lol @ LE

Yes, I do more than blog. lol

Check me out in Essence this month in the mother’s day package

Great post NWSO . Dope blog.

They said one in ten people, male or female, regardless of race are gay; so be it. that’s still a lot of gay people, about 360 Million gays, but then again the world is diverse. Do people experiment? Yes. Would it bother me if a man that I was seeing had a homosexual experience? That’s difficult. If he was like me, someone that has to question everything, including being gay; no I wouldn’t mind. You have to find out if you’re gay it shouldn’t be religion or society that tells you who you are; you should question it. There are easy ways to find out that don’t involve having gay sex. It didn’t take long for me to decide I wasn’t gay; when I received no sensation from being approached by a woman, I realized it wasn’t for me. However, I’d give the side eye if he was in a relationship with a man or had more than one gay encounter. I’m pretty liberal when it comes to self-exploration. I don’t like promiscuity at all or too much focus of trying stuff out to see how freaky and weird one can be. I do question a man that is way too particular about the way a woman should look; real men only care if a woman has a vagina and no facial hair. I don’t think Black men are more gay than anybody else LOL; but there are black men that are gay. Let’s put it this way, if don’t respect women, you’re gay to me. If you perm your hair or wear tight jeans, you’re gay to me. If you don’t resemble the type of man, I’d like to be with, I’m not going to deal with you. I don’t worry about gayness; I worry that their aren’t enough men that are worthy to be with me. Stay out of jail, have a job and education, and respect me, then maybe you have a chance with me. Not too hard to do, but for some men, its like I’m asking too much to be respectful or respectable??? Come on.

Being a man that loves fashion, coordinating my colors and wearing clothing that fits properly, I’m sure that some women would think that I’m gay. The fact that I hold open doors for women, talk with a proper tone, never get caught sneaking peaks at a lady’s backside, I’m sure that some women would think that I’m gay. Being that I have offered my bed to a woman and slept on my couch, or shared my bed without making a slick move, or even spooning a woman up and not sneak touches or grind-ups, I’m sure that some women would think that I’m gay. My question is, “Why is it that a gentleman is now seen as being homosexual?”

For the record I don’t think most women think men with manners (gentlemen) are gay. I know plenty of gay men who don’t hold doors open,etc. Unfortunately, I also know plenty of black heterosexual men who also won’t open a car door, hold a door open, etc. Please know Gentlemen are WELCOME & so appreciated. I love a man w/manners!! So please don’t think sistas think you are DL if you have manners or even if you are neat. However, IMO, long hair/permed hair is an effeminate feature. It doesn’t mean that you are gay. However, it is feminine which is why you don’t see many men wearing their hair like that. Hell, you don’t even see many black gay men wearing their hair like that. I simply do not like long hair on a man & I think it is feminine. And I have long hair myself so I am not jealous.

“”Frequents gay bars because they “have the best buffalo wings,””. That’s a good one.

Before I even started reading this blog, I already was in agreement that it stems from ladies writing books and being on interviews that they’ve been with certain rappers and favorite black celebs (ie; the never ending debate of his sexual preference, Will Smith ((and Jada’s for that matter)) were playing on both sides of the fence.

The Metrosexual or übersexual phase added to that thinking. Though its not hip to label a man that anymore (Hi my name is Rod, and I am still, a metro). Whether we like it or not men’s fashion has blurred the line. Plus there are just about the same amount of grooming products, treatments, gels, and applicators for men as there are for women! Go to any Rite Aide or Duane Reade and see for yourself.

Which it is to say, it isn’t at all a bad thing. Guys are learning to take care of themselves more, put a bit more effort in their attire. Break the color barrier of just rocking navy, black, white, and if you’re a risk taker, brown. And its here I think that women’s Gaydar are on the fritz or needs an upgrade, because they are following an old form of detection which straight men have crossed long ago.

IMO, saying that men who screw around with men just keep it on the DL because they’re worried about being labeled and “having to choose between two worlds” is about as bad as saying “the man wants and does cheat with other women because he knows that if he confessed, she’d leave him.” Either way, it’s nothing but excuses for cheating. And the worst thing about cheating isn’t necessarily lying; it’s being disrespectful to his S.O.

Other than that, I believe (or at least, HOPE) that this whole DL issue is blown out of proportion. I know that I never dated a man who I suspected was even bi-curious, and none of my girls had that problem either.

Here’s my experience:

I attended school with someone, that had female tendacies. He dated women and always denied being gay. Four year later, he is gay!

Experience #2:

I worked with someone that had female tendacies. Something about him was just a little off! But he dated the most beautiful women!! he even told me about his sexual escapedes with some of these women! So we just thought we was weird in his own way! Come to find out @ years later he is out of the closet!!! Got pictures of his boyfriend on facebook and all!!!

Experience #3:

I knew a certain male dancer for years!!! He absoulutely professed his love of women for years on end!!He liked them big, small, fat, tall, round, short, skinny, dark, light, whatever !! If you were a woman he loved you!!!!! He is a Masculine man..a very manly man! Muscles to die for, skin as clear as the most highly quality diamond, smile that can make your legs weak and bottom lip quiver with lustful thoughts!!! Guess what?!?!?!? Two years ago he confessed to me that he is BISEXUAL!!! *What part of the game is this?!??!**

So I say this, it does not matter if your gaydar is on or off us woman will never know until the man is 100% in opening up to us!!

For all you Housewives of Atlanta fans….you probably thought NeNe’s stylist is 100% gay!!!! Guess what! He’s engaged………………
to a woman!!!!

Again *What part of the game is this?*

yeah, there’s a lotta DL dudes running around… CLEARLY.
also, there are a lot of men who are straight, but due to lack of male influence in the household in the crucial formative years, may unconsciously pick up subtle tendencies we attribute to femininity.. hand gestures, etc. BUT..
i do know that both men and women in our culture have a tendency to both inflict, and fall victim to, overblown, beefed up, bordering on unrealistic ideas of male and female roles. So what happens is, sometimes when a woman is too comfortable in her less- than- ready- for- marriage sexuality, she is construed as dude- like, or as having ‘too much testosterone’. likewise, men who aren’t uber- macho 24/ 7 are looked upon as suspect.

.. having said all that,

Chance and Real are fucking gay.

How is it women are always the first to know if you are cheating but are so damn surprised if you turn up on the “DL” list?
And to separate us (straight) from the girls (gay) what are we suppose to do—sport dirty fingernails and walk around in coveralls spitting tobacco and grabbing our fronts? Please.

I can relate to being suspected of being gay just because I’m quite and reserved and don’t exert a lot of arrogant testosterone (I guess that’s not a real man’s trait) That’s Bullshit.

I think most of the females that make these accusations are just making up an excuse to justify why they aren’t married or why their relationships don’t work. They need to look at themselves and wonder why they have these expectations of what a “real man” is (which they base off of images like 50 cent and DMX) and why any man that doesn’t fit that image is considered suspect. Sometimes it irks me, but its ok. I see that it’s a defense mechanism to cope with your lonely lifestyle (even if you are in a relationship).

I still love my sistas even though they are brainwashed by the media just like the brothers. Once again, we’ve been willie lynched.

Dating a man who is gay is like going on a job interview when you don’t have the required skills to get the job.

It ends up being a waste of time and leaves you feeling inadequate.

Most women, even white women I know, are skeptical about homosexual tendencies in men because we don’t have much time to waste (especially in our 30s) and hate feeling like we can’t meet the set standards.

In short, it’s no fair if we don’t have the equipment to compete.

It’s true. All the City Parks have an area where men of all shapes ,sizes, ages, creeds & colors go to bust a nutt. It’s a dick thang….not a gay or straight thang. Men have been fucking each other for as long as their have been men. And no these practices are NOT limited to black men on the dl. But you will most certainly find the most unclockable , masculine least suspect dude out in the park fucking some ass or having his dick sucked. And vice versa. The term could be changed from DL to ‘doin what men do”. Not all men though!

CUM on people!!!!!! guys on the DL are more addicted to the feeling of their prostate being scratched and are too stupid to let their ladies know about it. Because most of their Ladies are grossed out by it. But what pisses me off is if you find one lady that can make the feeling happen and you still do the DL WELL THEN YOU FUCKING GAY AND COME OUT ALREADY! THEN YOU LIKE COCK AND POWER! And these are the MOST insecure people around.