My mom n dad met my first bf. Age 12 and they thought it was something more than it was….mommy mustve been watchin too much Oprah back then. She went 2 his house spoke 2 his mom…omg embarassing. So un called for. But I guess she didn’t want me 2 turn into a fast ass. Next day me and old boy were like sooo we still gonna be bf. N gf but tell r parents we brokeup! Lol. I look back n it wasn’t even a relationship..a peck on the cheeck once a week and watching him play basketball

This is gonna sound crazy but I have been seeing someone for 10 years and he has not met my family. The reason being, my family is absolutely nuts and they travel in packs liike wolves. We live four hours away from each other so our time is precious together but that time is coming that I have to make introductions. We have decided to marry and I am moving there. I really want to wait until after the ceremony (we are doing the justice of the peace thing) because hopefully he won’t run away screaming. See my family is together for every single holiday that people typically celebrate so you are looking at 30 to 60 people at one time. That is too much for anyone and there are the usual characters involved. The drunk uncle (two in fact), the crack-head that still thinks that she is fine (my cousin); the aunts and grandmother who want to know everything including his social and on top of that I have five sisters who are no joke on any day. Would you want to be introduced to them before the wedding?

The first time I met my first boyfriend’s mother I was under the covers in his bed. I had just gotten my period and the cramps had set in big time, and my boyfriend and I were just lying in bed together talking, trying to distract me from the pain. We had never had sex; in fact, we have never had sex to this day (but that is a different story). So we’re lying in bed, and he hears mom’s key in the door. He runs to the bathroom, and leaves me lying alone in bed. I was hella scared, but too sick to move so I decided to stick it out. Their rooms were opposite each other, so as soon as she walked toward her room she saw the lump in the bed. She walked toward the bed and pulled the cover. “What’s going on here? Who are you? D… D… Why is this girl in your bed? I don’t like this. D, you know I don’t like this,” she yelled. (Needless to say, my cramps disappeared with a quickness.) He runs out of the bathroom and tries to explain that I was just resting. But she was not having it, not at all. She started raising hell–and to think, we were both 20 at the time. You see, they were Jehovah’s Witness, and he was not even supposed to have a girlfriend. So she continued to freak out, and we kindly left after our attempts to explain the situation failed.

Weeks later, when I visited again, to my surprise she apologized to me a million times and was the sweetest person to me. I don’t know what happened between the time we met, the thousands of phone calls my boyfriend said she made to her friends and family explaining the situation, her chastising him repeatedly, and her complaining to his dad about the incident, but mom was very nice to me whenever we happened to meet after that.

THERE’S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF!
And that holds true with meeting the parents.

For me the meeting isn’t a big deal, either way. If there is a problem it usually stems from one party or the other putting too strong of an emphasis on the situation.

If the parents don’t like you like that, to an extreme degree, then its probably not going to work out anyway. You don’t want to feel like your being terrorized while in your comfort zone, and your mate is going to think twice/3 times if that is in deed the case. But that doesn’t come from one meeting.

I’ve introduced my parents to plenty of females from serious girlfriends to jumps to just female friends and its not a big deal to me. If it happens it happens and if by chance it doesn’t then hey it doesn’t, but if I’m seeing someone I’m not going to go out my way to hide it til that “right moment” but then again I’m not going to go out of my way for a “meeting with the parents” either.

The best way is to let it happen organically.

Back in my youngin days I had bad experiences especially with mothers cause they thought I was some common thug. But since my mid-college days I’ve been “all net” with the moms. They love me now, I mean how can they not really, lol…

Here’s some advice if your nervous, easy your partner in: (Try to avoid the 2 on 2 dinner situation at first.)

1) Big family events where yall aren’t the focus are great and take the pressure off (i.e. your cousins wedding) or

2) if there are in fact 2 parents try to have them meet your special person separately or

3) just swing by moms to “pick up some stuff” with her/him (anything informal)

Just ease them in, but don’t wait too long…

I’m ok with introducing guys to my mother, even if they’re just friends but with my father its a whole different story. He never wants to meet any guy in the first place so I know when I end up do having to introduce a guyto him, he’s going to have to be the most amazing guy in the world. Gotta impress the pops…

My mom has met more of my ex’s than my dad but my has still only met about 4. My most recent relationship i had the pleasure of meeting his mom on one of those surprise pop up visits you mentioned. scrambling to get dressed to meet your boyfriends mom is always fun ;-/ and it happend on our first two mettings..and I just found out recently that she didnt like me….i wonder why?

Yea when i moved into my first apt after college my mom happened to live nearby and had been saying she wanted to come check the place out. So one day, my new girlfriend at the time was there with me. This was our first night in my new place so it MAY have gotten a lil romantic night before.

Suddenly the doorbell rings and i jump outta bed and through the intercom i realize it was my mom…my MOM?! I run in, tell my girl whats up and advise to just chill and ill entertain for a moment and then have her leave quickly.

Mom comes in looks around and im trying my best to keep her moving along and she wants to sit and talk. ugh. so we talk. I keep hinting at it being really early and im still in my pajamas etc Anything to get her out. As i walk into the kitchen to get her a drink, she takes it upon her self to peek into my ROOM!. Bad news. Theres my girl. But nekked under the covers. Mom is mortified. Girl is mortified. Mom is so shocked and embarrassed and quickly scurries out the house. Awkward to say the least. My girl was like, “i thought you said”..”yea well my moms nosey, what can i do?” ..”I can never look your mom in the face again. shes gonna think im a slut!”

Well, in the end, it didnt work out with me and homegirl and she never had to meet my mom again.

meeting someone’s parents? i don’t mind, actually i would prefer it so i can see how they relate and what type of person/spouse/father they would be. if dude has a bad relationship with their mom to the point of not speaking it would give me pause b/c i wonder how he would treat me if we had a major disagreement or whatever.

now for my son and daughter?! i definitely need to see who they’re spending their time with and they’re only allowed to date after 16. these rules weren’t in place for me but i wouldn’t have minded them in the long run if i had a mother as involved as i am.

It’s been years since my mom has met one of my boyfriends. She’s incredibly religious and conservative and still hasn’t gotten over the last one I introduced her to having hair down to his butt. My sister and I were kept under lock and key as teenagers. A boy had to not only surrender his driver’s license at the door when picking us up for a date, but he HAD to go to church with us if he wanted to continue dating. Needless to say, my mother is a hard sell. I would only introduce her to a man I was dating if I thought we were in it for the long haul with rings and things or I couldn’t avoid it.

For me, the true litmus test is introducing a man to my sister. If I’m thinking about keeping him for the long haul, he gets run by her. The overall rule has been if we don’t like someone you’re dating, we only say it once.

On the flipside, I’ve never been good at the meeting the parents thing. It usually starts with the nose ring and goes downhill from there.

Meeting the parents doesn’t scare me at all. As for the vice-versa, since my family is the greatest, I will gladly bring a girlfriend around the immediate family of brother, aunts, cousins, so she can see the folks who have had an impact on my life. Meeting my mother can be a scary situation as she can be very stand-off-ish when it comes to other females, especially if she isn’t fond of certain aspects, but over the last couple of years, she has been very friendly and nice with all my lady-friends. My brother hasn’t achieved the same success ratio on his end with his g/fs, but I think that has more to do with poor choice of women, because I wasn’t too fond of some of them either. All and all my family is a very amicable, so if they don’t like you they will still make you feel welcome.

The hardest part of the family meet-ups, is when it is all over. Everyone is asking you a-million and one questions, which you don’t feel like going into. And then you also have those folks who maintain the family connection. I am the type of person that once we are done, me and your family is over as well, and I have never been in a situation that warranted me keeping up with the in-laws. For some reason a couple of women in my life saw it important to call-in and check on my mom, even though we were no longer together, though it was a nice gesture and all. It really ticked me off, but I let it ride and those calls soon came to an end.

Well i dont think meeting the parents is that big of a deal. I’m from a small town so the whole time i was growing up you already knew the parents, and everyones parents knew eachother. So when you said you were dating whoever oh thats so and so’s son! It just kinda worked that way. Right now i’m 21 and my mom is my best friend. I’m recently single and she meets almost every single guy i date. Thats just how we are, i might not meet everyones parents but to me she is not my mom she is my best friend, so weather your coming to see me while i’m getting my nails done, out to eat or just chillin at the house at least half the time its with my mom, so you’ll see her lol. With my ex i never met his mom but i did talk to her on the phone every couple weeks and sometimes for an hour or so about life in general. So i dont believe its that big of a step just another part of someones life to get to know!

men that don’t matter to me don’t meet mom.
period. point blank.

if a lucky one does get the opportunity to meet the parents, please believe we are in it to win it.

i met my ex’s mom on one of her trips to ny from paris. the first words out of her mouth were, “beautiful!”

we hit it off and had many lunches, dinners, drinks and the like sans my ex.

she’d come to ny often and would even send lengthy e-mails from abroad and phone to ask about my me and my family.

unfortunately my ex was a mama’s boy to the nth degree and this was one of the major reasons we split. i couldn’t and wouldn’t compete with his mama. that ain’t my style.

the ex met my folks on tour-de-south and he was well received. he came bearing gifts (always a good look. wasn’t even christmas.) and was an overall hit. photographs he took still hang on the mantle at home. the fam downright refuses to take them down.

though the ex and i didn’t work out (clearly) his mom still keeps in touch and we hang out when she makes her annual mecca to the city.

I don’t want to meet his parents, nor do I want to introduce him to my parents if we are not serious. I’m talkin–you just popped the question serious. My mother has a bad habit of “giving her opinion”. Subjecting another person to that is just cruel!

OMG I love the new blog! congrats on that!

I knew my parents would disapprove of my ex of 3 years so I pushed it back as long as I could. But then he flipped on me and said if I really loved him I would introduce him. So I introduced him just like he asked and from that day til we broke up my parents asked me…”did you break up with him yet”

much good that did. next time..I’ll jut invite my parents to the wedding…they could show up or not lol…

It’s not a big deal to me for my man or guy friend to meet my parents. I don’t have a relationhip with my father so mostly it’s my mother he’d meet. I have a pretty cool laid back family. There was this one time though that I invited a guy I was seeing casually (but really diggin) to my place for Thanksgiving. A lot of family was there including my mother and sisters. I introduced him to my mother and he said, “It’s nice to meet you. You might be seeing me around a lot more often”. (or something to that affect). I don’t know why but I instantly smacked him in the arm and freaked out. I asked him not to say things like that to her.

She raised her eyebrows a bit at his comment and my reaction. I was afraid she’d start asking me questions about him and who he was. I hadn’t even figured it out for myself yet so I didn’t want to talk about it. I should’ve just played it cool in hindsight.

I didn’t even realize that has a huge clue showing me that the guy was into me. I should have been flattered that he was so open to meeting and trying to impress my mother. I was so dense. I think I was overwhelmed, entertaining a houseful of people and all. Next time, I’ll handle it better.

No one gets told about or introduced to my parents unless it’s serious or very close to serious. Even though I’m not tight with my mother, I still give her the respect of bringing only serious candidates around. Same goes for my father, aunt and uncle, who are very influential in my life.

As for the other way around, that scares the hell out of me. But so far, any parents who have met me have liked or loved me.

i think meeting the parents is a huge step in a relationship. it means you really care about the person and you plan on having them around for awhile. but i dont think it is always the best idea. especially if your parents are stereotypical. LOL

Hey NWSO - Found your blog when you were honored by Dorchesters Daughter here: http://latenotsogreats20s.blogspot.com/

For me… meeting the parents could go either way. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.

I think that it needs to happen naturally with as little fanfare as possible!

Interesting topic… When my sister was 21 she started dating a 30 year old guy - a fact she didn’t keep from my parents - but one she didn’t flaunt either. Even though they dated for about 3 or 4 months (most of which were summer months so she spent a lot of time at his place), she never felt the need to introduce him to our parents. She pretty much felt the same way you did - she wanted to be sure that he was going to be around a while and that he was worth while before she introduced him. However my parents did not understand this. After she went back to school in the fall, my dad took it upon himself to go to her boyfriend’s job, demand to see him, and tell him he was a punk (and prob some other choice words) for not asking to meet my parents, to stop seeing my sister AND to NOT tell my sister that the convo was had. Needless to say, the boyfriend did tell my sis, all hell broke loose, and my dad is a bit nuts.

I have to be really into a guy before he meets my mom (before she passed). I have had two guys meet her during times of distress. However, guys always want me to know there parents, and there parents always love me. Much more than there sons. I just recently had an ex’s dad invite me to his retirement party (with wife, friends, church members) in Cancun…more than likely the trip will be paid for by someone other than me.

Hello to all I can’t understand how to add your site in my rss reader. Help me, please

Definitely not a smart move unless you’re serious. But I did have this 1 situation where my 2nd yr in college a homeboy from highschool wanted to take me out for my birthday while I was visiting home. Everyone was gone to dinner and I figured I’d be gone by the time they returned. Well he had some issues, ran late, the WHOLE fam came back as he was pulling up. Needless to say, he got grilled by mom, gma, aunts, cousins, and my teenage sis. Talk about embarassing! And we were just friends! LOL Nonetheless, they loved him…and wanted us to hook up. My family is really judgmental and their facial expressions (like mines) tell it all….so I wouldn’t put a guy in that situation unless I knew he was a permanent or possible permanent fixture in my life.

Needless to say, we kinda lost contact a few weeks after that. So I lost a friendship as a result of my embarrassing family….I think he felt pressured? Like he was obligated to date me b/c he met the fam….Def. not how I saw it…Explained it numerous times.