lol @ every guy past a certain age has some secret family stashed away.

IDK why that is, though I want to say a lot of times that is the case I’ve never came across a guy that has lied about it. Maybe b/c they lie about everything else you figure why not that too, lol! In any event, (real talk) most dudes by the age of 30 do have a child somewhere that they may or may not take care of and if they don’t by say age 40 – yeah they might get the sideways glance how you doin’?

Does it make a difference if a woman have kids? I think so. I mean they can definitely get smashed just the same but dude is gonna look at her different. Just like the 30-something yr old and think that she wants to settle down, ray, ray, ray.

Does it make a difference to me if a man has kids? Depends on how many and with how many women.

Would I ever hide the fact that I have 2 children? No, but I would be wary b/c of the day and age we live with plenty of molesters abound.

All in all, I promote Black love and healing the Black Family.

Sheeit I’d be a rich snitch if I counted how many times I was asked. and I’d probably be able to fund a buyout for how many smiles I got with a none. Then comes the why not and its like I stole somethin’ lol

life funny sometimes.

Is it really that deep? Don’t people who are catching up ask the obligatory “you married? got kids?” question of everyone? It’s just something to ask… to catch up with folks. Maybe because marriage and births are a huge milestone in folks’ lives… something easy to talk about, too.

I guess if you’re old and don’t have kids or a wife, then we do decided in the deep recesses of our mind that something is WRONG with you, though…

Dunno. guess whether or not someone has kids isn’t the first (or third) thing on my mind. But i guess the main thing is the reaction that something is “wrong” if you don’t have kids. More than likely you asked if I was married right before the kids question, so why be shocked that i wanna wait for marriage to procreate?

I don’t think it’s that big a deal… just a generic status question, especially if you haven’t seen the person in a long time. But perhaps I hold that opinion because I have a child. I like to know if others share my experience. Parenthood is a whole other world, and usually only other parents understand it. Another reason is that if there’s some potential romantic interest, I definitely wanna know if the guy has kids. I want to know what I’m in for. How a person parents is a direct reflection of who they are as a person. For instance, I find it strange and off-putting when men don’t talk about their kids in regular conversation.
In any case, it’s not an unusual question to ask. Are you feeling pressured to have kids, Ans?

At least you got asked after your third or fourth conversation in, I’m a woman in her early thirties and I get ask in the first re- introduction phase of the conversation.

Of course I then get the look of how could a single black woman have made it thru her teenage years let alone her twenties without becoming someone’s BM. Followed by the blanket characterization that I must be one of those “new millennium” women who are allergic to children and anything domestic as if the idea of planned parenthood and hopes of a traditional nuclear family is a fairytale best left for the “others”.

So sorry, not really empathetic to your plight cuz I’m sure women over a certain age get asked that question more than men.

i think women pose such a question because they do not want to deal with “baby momma drama” (forgive me i hate that title). She may be concerned with how much time will be spend with the guy to develop a relationship. Some times the little brats are rude and she may not want to deal with the rudeness and “daddy” yellin, “sit the hell down” or “do you mind if i bring my kids”. (lol). She says yes and oftentimes it turns into a disaster after soda has been spilled all over those fly ass prada sandals.
I love to see men with their children and having loving nurturing moments with them.. just not while they’re with me.

I get the same question all of the time. At my age (32) people I know and haven’t seen in a long time, all seem to think I should be married with children by now.

I tell them the truth-I’m nowhere close to being married and I’m not interested in having kids. Usually they look at me like I’ve grown three heads but for the most part they leave it alone.

As far as asking men about their “status”, I really don’t care if they have kids or not unless I’m interested in dating them so I don’t ask that as a “catch up” question. I find that most people will say so or have pictures to show you anyways.

Next time you should say you have nine kids and see where it goes. LOL.

I have to agree with anon 10:32. The question comes up right after “how old are you?” more often times than not. I usually don’t take offense because I think it is a what’s your status/situation kind of question. However, I recently had a dude ask (supposedly jokingly), “are your insides alright?” when I told him that I don’t have any children. Needless to say, he got the side eye and the cold shoulder for the rest of the evening. LOL

The question I hate is “how many kids do you have?”. A blatant assumption that I MUST have popped some babies out my oven by now.

I’m with Janelle…right after the age question I get asked if I have any kids. When I tell them I don’t, they ask why. I tell them because I’m not married and never have been. It doesn’t bother me. I see it as a general question.

My ex had 3 kids and was 8 years younger than I was. Yes, my eyebrows were raised when I heard that, but I didn’t hold it against him.

Well obviously i cant speak for the men. But i will say that we ask men because we want to know what we are getting into. However if they do that means we will know to be more openminded and accepting. We will know that if they are handling they business, they have responsibilities and if they are not handling their business well, thats another story. I think its an admirable thing and a man who takes care of his kids should get some credit because its not easy. Therefore we can be more lenient if we understand his situation. My only problem is when men dont tell me they have kids because they dont think i will care or because they just dont want to for some reason. I just dont get it. I think if a man has kids he should be man enough to tell me that and i should be woman enough to respect that, accept that and deal with it, that is if i want to be with him. I dont think any less of a man with kids. Actually i think more of him.

Oh, and for clarity’s sake, I don’t have an issue with being asked if someone has kids or not, it’s about that being the FIRST question out someone’s mouth. Like, “Hey how you doing?”
“I’m good, yourself?”
“Fine. Got any kids?”
“Excuse me?”
“Do you have any kids?”

Or really more so the fact that it’s assumed as well that men a certain age have kids too. Ask all you want, just have some tact

That is not a uniquely male assumption. I am a 29 year old woman and people assume the same thing and rail me for not having any children, my sidebar though is: Why assume that I even want kids?.

I don’t think I ask about offspring too early in the initial “getting to know each other” convo but I could obviously be wrong. I’m 32 and most of the dudes I used to meet were my age or older so I din’t think it was a crazy query in the least. I don’t recall anyone ever seeming to be too bothered by my asking that. I dunno.

But I’m surprised you didn’t address how often you ask women this same question. Men always seem so puzzled when I tell them my age and that I don’t have any bambinos. I will never forget one man straight up told me something along these lines:

Okay you are tk age, you do tk for a living, you have your own crib, you’re cute (his opinion) and you don’t have ANY kids? There must be something wrong with you.

Ain’t that some ish?

Aaah, the joys of being an introvert, I get to sit by seemingly invisibly and have others ask these probing questions for me.

I think its just expected now since so many have children out of wedlock… you are lucky if you get one over 30 that doesn’t have a kid. After a bad experience I had with baby mama drama a long time ago… I vowed to never date a man with kids again… then I started dating and realized that if I did that…I was narrowing my options to obscene levels… and quite frankly I’m not getting any younger so the chances of them not having at least one… is close to slim.

Even though you have none… of all your boys… how many do… I bet more do have than dont.

nope. not too many in my circle of friends has kids. only my boy that’s married. any other dude i know with a kid is a little further out my circle.

Wow I’m a woman in my 30’s and I get asked that question a lot and I proudly respond NO. I also make it my business to inform that I’m looking for someone on my level…educated, respectful, family-oriented, blah blah you know. I want to make sure that I share that experience with someone whose a novice like myself (1st timer). I asks guys who bark up my tree the same question and if they have a child or children then their fresh out of luck sorry fellas its the principle of the thing ya know. I know what I’m looking for I need him to know what he wants.

P.S: unless the child’s mother is dead of course
What do you think about that writer?

I have the same problem and I’m 24. Seems like everyone I graduated with has their own little tribe. I am in no rush to pop out babies.

n I can’t believe someone was asked if their insides were alright. WTF? How disrespectful and rude!!

i know this comment is a little late, but i’m just joining into the blog and been reading. im 22 and have a lil girl, i ask the question b/c i don’t deal with my child’s father(by choice of course, was nothing healthy about that) anyway i ask because i like seeing if the man takes care of his responsibilities if he edo or dont have them dont bother me because he aint gone be around my lil girl unless i feel its something long term

other females ask because they’re jealous and don’t want somebody with kids even if they have a child(very childish huh) but it happens

Its funny everytime I meet one of my mom or dad old friends and they find out I dont have kids they say “Oh thats good for you baby”. And when they find out how old I am they say “Oh”. Every fucking time like Im some freak nobody wants too procreate with. Or just because there children are my age with four kids for four different people something must be wrong with me.